Food? Check, Guilt? Check

Food and I truly have a love/hate relationship. One of these days I would like to eat a satisfying meal without feeling guilty. Just savoring and enjoying every bite. I am either always counting the calories I am eating and worrying that I have eaten one too many or I damn everything to hell and eat as much as I want and THEN feel guilty about it when sanity returns.

So all that makes me one really sad girl therefore I decided I had to do something again and get back on the diet wagon. And here I am. I just sit and think about food all day and wonder if I need help and why the heck can't I have been born skinny? I mean come on I accept blame about the eating but there are people who just gain weight by looking at food and I am one of them.
Growing up I had a friend in my neighborhood. She'd eat twice the food I would and not gain an ounce and I had to exercise daily to keep half of it from getting on. SIGH~
Here I am on day two of my not so efficient diet. I figured I'd just start by making wiser choices and keeping track of what I am eating. Why the heck are there so many calories in everything good? I guess I'll just have to wait and see how long I stick with it and what good comes out of it.

Coffee Ice Cream

While driving to work in the morning, stuck in the ever present traffic, I have long conversations with myself ... sometimes uplifting but more often depressing to the point that I would be crying tears of frustration by the time I reach the office. My point is for me it's an outlet. Things need to be thought and processed and even if I can't find a solution I feel better.

I am now writing to see if maybe a little ranting into the wide unknown might just help me somehow deal with all the emotional baggage that goes with being over weight.

Oh where should I start ... there is almost 1.5 decades of pent up frustration, justifications, flat out denial or just plain I don't care attitude behind it but here I am almost 30 according to BMI about 70-80 lbs over weight and nothing I do makes a difference. I am sure someone will come along and tell me to get off my butt and exercise blah blah. 

On a Saturday evening at 9:30 pm I was sitting frustrated by life in general and went for the coffee ice cream in the freezer. Yes, I am a stress eater and therefore I try not to keep any junk food at home ...

So how do you eat healthy when you have a demanding job and a 10 month baby and 2.5 hours of commuting every day. I don't think I even get enough sleep. I know I need to do something. I am still figuring out what.